The TSA Swabbed My Sausauge

The TSA might not be able to catch 67 out of 70 weapons, but no meats of mass distruction will be making it through.

Rochester, Minnesota doesn’t have TSA Pre-Check, but they do have expedited screening. And while trying to remember the difference (with expedited you still have to take everything out of your bag, you can just leave your shoes on and skip the wave machine), I forgot to take out my bladeless wine opener.

It was no surprised when they stopped on my bag in the Xray and brought it out for extra screening.

“Sorry! I forgot to take out my bladeless corkscrew. It doesn’t have the traditional foil cutter. It’s in the front mesh pocket” blah blah blah

Finally the guy puts a halt to my babbling.

“I’m not worried about the corkscrew. I think you have a bottle of water in here.”

I was puzzled as I knew for sure I didn’t. And then highly amused when he triumphantly brought out my paper-wrapped Trader Joe’s Syrah Sausage (it didn’t get eaten that week so I brought it home with me rather than waste it).

The hunk of beef was duly swabbed for explosives, and fortunately came out clear.

What’s the strangest thing you’ve been pulled aside for secondary screening?

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6 Comments

  1. My wife was pulled aside for a bottle of Escada Sexy Graffiti which she thought she had lost 1 year earlier. It apparently fell into a zippered compartment of the baggage which she never used. Upon discovery, she pleaded for it not to be taken away. After fitting it into her plastic bag, she was allowed to keep it.

    The sad story is that she had been traveling with that bag as carry-on for at least 10 trips before that and every time it had made it through screening by TSA.

  2. I’ve had burritos swabbed before. I suspect that things like sausages and burritos have a density similar to explosives and thus are flagged on the xray machine as suspicious.

  3. TSA swabbed my sausage too! And my cheese which is apparently looks like a plastic explosive. I grew up in Northern Wisconsin where cheese and meat are serious business. The best part is when one agent who was particularly interested in the summer sausage asked where I got it because it smelled good.

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